How to Write Killer Prose (17)

Dialogue

            Dialogue isn't easy. There’s so much that can go wrong, and so much to get right. Let's take it in stages.

            When people are talking, you can describe what they say. That's reported speech:

            Dave told Ruth that his marriage was in trouble, but she seemed more

interested in talking about herself.

            Or you can relay their actual words (direct speech) through dialogue:

            I think Sarah's having an affair,' Dave said.

            Ruth frowned. 'I'm definitely going to get those nail extensions.’

            You can see the difference straight away. Direct speech has precision and immediacy, while reported speech is a degree more detached. So that's your first decision. How vital is the reader's need-to-know concerning this exchange? Is Dave and Ruth's conversation at the cutting edge of the narrative? Do we need their actual words? To put it another way: do we show, or do we tell? Reported speech is telling.

            Dialogue (direct speech) leaves more room for the reader's imagination and curiosity. Is Ruth self-engrossed, or is she deliberately avoiding discussing Dave's marriage? Perhaps Dave is chronically paranoid and jealous. Perhaps Ruth knows that Dave's right, but wants to protect Sarah. Perhaps Ruth herself is having an affair with Sarah.

            Don't get me wrong. I've nothing against reported speech. Like exposition, or back-story, it's often exactly what you and your reader need. Reported speech helps speed your reader through your narrative, and brings her up to date.

            But sooner later, you're going to need dialogue. Your characters are going to need to speak, and your reader is going to need to hear their words. There are all sorts of ways of accomplishing this, and in this post I'm going to set out some structural and stylistic guidelines. Basic stuff, but it works, and will help your dialogue land as you want it to.

            First: move assuredly into dialogue. Usually, we need some context.

            One by one the guests left, until there were just the two of them. Ruth's eyes were stinging with tiredness. She glanced at her watch, and started to move towards the stairs.

            'I think Sarah's having an affair,' Dave said.

            A couple of points here. First, see how direct speech conveys character. Ruth is obviously exhausted. She tacitly makes this clear. But Dave either fails to register Ruth's signals, or ignores them. He drops a heavy conversation bomb, which is essentially about himself. He's either inconsiderate, or deeply anxious, or both.

            Unless you very specifically don't mean 'said' (ie if you mean 'whispered' or 'screamed'), use 'said'. It's weirdly invisible, and you can repeat it often. Avoid 'spat', 'snarled', 'rasped', 'grunted', 'whined' and all those supercharged versions of 'said'.

            The great advantage of 'said', is that it can mean everything and nothing. Here, 'said' allows each of your readers to imagine the injured self-regard in Dave's voice in their own way. A more specific verb would be more limiting.

            Note the way that I end the direct speech with a comma. This enables me to run straight into 'Dave said.' If you're running into 'he said' or 'she said', use lower case on the pronoun.

            'I think Sarah's having an affair,' he said.

            A full stop would demand a different construction. Something like:

            'I think Sarah's having an affair.' Dave lowered his gaze. 'She's always on her phone.'

            The positioning of the speaker action ('Dave lowered his gaze.') between two pieces of direct speech makes it clear that Dave is the speaker without using 'said.'

            Note the use of upper case on the first word of subsequent direct speech ('Dave lowered his gaze. 'She's always...')

            If your conversation is between two people, it's easy to know who's talking.

            'I think Sarah's having an affair,' Dave said.

            Ruth continued straightening the cushions. 'Seriously?'

            'She's always whispering on her phone. Ends the conversation whenever I come into the room.'

            'Maybe she's talking to a friend.'

            'She'd tell me.'

            'Maybe she's planning a surprise party,' Ruth said.

            Dave shook his head. 'She knows I hate surprises.'

            Note the spacing of the 'said's. You don't want a series of 'he said's and 'she said's.

            Alternate 'said's with speaker actions ('Dave shook his head.')

            At intervals, remind us of the speakers' names.

            If two speakers use the same pronouns, be careful! You don't want a series of 'she said's, and you don't want to be endlessly repeating their names. I'm constantly running up against this with dialogue between Eve and Villanelle. Look at this passage (Eve speaking):

            '...Valentin's a bit wild, a bit all-over-the-place emotionally, but that’s all. He's very charming and handsome. Quite the heart-breaker, I'd guess.'

            'Would you?'

            'Wouldn't you?'

            Villanelle shrugs.

            'Angel, are you jealous? Please say that you are.'

            'I've seen how you look at him.'

            Eve sits down on the bed next to Villanelle, kisses her cheek, and lays her head on her shoulder. 'Babe...'

            'Don't babe me.'

            'You are my babe.'

            Villanelle stares ferociously ahead. 'He probably doesn't get enough attention from his mother. I doubt he fancies you.'

            See how you can run multiple exchanges without using 'said'. Note how the use of a sentence like 'Villanelle shrugs.' can replace direct speech. Note the strong use of speaker action ('Eve sits...', 'Villanelle stares...'). And note the way that you can tell who's talking by what they say. Eve, for example, often calls Villanelle 'Angel'. Villanelle, when jealous, is completely unreasonable. And so on. The better your readers know your characters, the more seamlessly they'll read your dialogue. Note how dialogue is a form of showing, not telling, the dynamics of a relationship.

            Here's a conversation between three people. Valentin, Eve and Villanelle are at the club. See how the use of their names, the use of 'says', and speaker actions make it clear at all times who's speaking. See also how every word they speak adds to our knowledge of the characters:

            Valentin catches Eve's eye. 'The tiniest bit over the top, would you say?'

            'Maybe the tiniest bit.'

            'It's one of my favourite clubs. The door policy's quite severe, so it's not overrun with the wrong kind of people. If you know what I mean.'

            'I hope I'm not the wrong kind of person,' Eve says.

            'How could you be?' He smiles. 'You're here.'

            Villanelle surreptitiously but viciously pinches Eve's bottom, and when Eve turns, stares at her furiously.

            'What?' Eve mouths.

            'You know what.'

            'No.' Eve's eyes widen. 'I don't.'

            Villanelle bares her teeth. 'Stop. Flirting. With. Him.'

            That's it for now. Next time we'll look more deeply at tone and nuance in dialogue. The important thing to take away today is that you have to get the tiny details exactly right, including punctuation, if your dialogue is going to flow. It's a persistance thing. You'll know when you’re there. All best - Luke